EMOTIONAL DISABILITIES

EMOTIONAL DISABILITIES

Physical disabilities are usually obvious. And even though the ones suffering from them may not have caused them, they can negatively impact a committed relationship. Because the physical limitations imposed by them can cause that person to fall short of meeting their partner’s energy needs. And when these physical limitations deprive the relationship of the physical activity it once enjoyed, even though their partner is very understanding, it can still cause suffering for their partner. And this suffering has nothing to do with love or a lack thereof.

But what many don’t have a clue about are their own emotional disabilities and how they hamper their ability to meet their partner’s needs. Many times, neither the owner of an emotional disability or their partner recognizes this disability. They don’t because this disability isn’t as obvious to the eye as its physical counterpart. Like the body’s circadian rhythm, this disability type works in the background silently dictating the emotional behavior of the person suffering from it.

Lacking perspicacity about their disability, their partner accuses him or her of intentional neglect. Why? Because emotional disabilities can cause physical inactivity, which consequently leads to physical neglect. However, unlike with a physical disability, the person suffering from this disability doesn’t suffer from any physical impairments. Therefore, their partner draws the conclusion that they willingly neglect their needs. More often than not, the person suffering from this disability and their partner have difficulty linking their emotional disabilities to his or her physical inaction. Physical inaction, meaning, they can cause us to be physically unresponsive to our partner's physical needs.

"Because emotional disabilities can cause physical inactivity, which consequently leads to physical neglect."

However, emotional disabilities can cause unwanted physical activity, too. They can cause us to make demands on our partner that we wouldn’t otherwise. And these demands are similar to the physical demands a person suffering from a physical disability might place on his or her partner. For example, one of our neighbor's wife had a fear of driving. If I remember correctly, her fear resulted from a car accident she had. Fear is the emotion she suffered from that caused her to depend on her husband to drive her every where she needed to go. Fortunately for her, he was willing to accept this burden. She was physically capable and able to drive. But emotionally and mentally, she wasn't.

But on the flip side, emotionally disabilities can cause our partner to put physical demands on us that we just can't meet. And because our disabilities are emotional and not physical, he or she thinks that we can but won't. Physically, we have no excuse, in their eyes. So, they subliminally charge us for failure to accommodate and for failure to keep our promise. You know, the promises that made them commit to us in the first place. These are the promises we both consciously and unconsciously made to each other at the genesis of the relationship. Now, they're our judge, jury, and executioner. And this gets worse when we can't discern that our lack of physical production is linked to our emotional disability. Because there's a tendency for us to go on the defense, especially if by our own standards, we're giving it everything we've got and we feel that we're better than most, if not among the best anyone could ever partner with. And sometimes we bite the bullet, when absolutely necessary, to satisfy that need. And we make this part of our defense argument to rebut his or her claim about us never meeting their physical needs. But because this is a reoccurring need for our partner, one or two exceptional times isn't going to cut it. But we'll use that as proof that we are meeting our relationship obligation. But the truth is...we probably aren't. Not by the guidelines of the conscious and unconscious promises we made.

In relationships, one person's emotionally disability has the propensity or likelihood of causing the one suffering from it to negatively put demands on his or her partner and for that partner to ignorantly placed demands on him or her that might be fair to the relationship but that he or she can't meet at the time. Often, either way, the inability for one to meet the other's need or the other to pressure on the other to meet his or her need has nothing to do with love or the lack thereof. But what this does have to do with is energy. And renewable energy at that. Therefore, this whole situation, that could most likely be resolved with good counseling, has a tendency to create a norm in the relationship...that norm being a behavior pattern that is counter-intuitive to the energy making process committed relationships needs to thrive and survive. Multiply this by both person's emotional disabilities going unnoticed and or unresolved and what we have is a tangled web of frustration that leads to a divorce or at the very least a separation. And there is such a thing as an emotional divorce.

People suffering from emotional disabilities have “I” needs that relate to their disability. As I’ve stated in previous blogs, we must obey our “I” and its desires. We must because it's our renewable energy source. Therefore, people suffering from this disability will favor its “I” needs the way someone with a broken leg will favor that leg. And favoring these needs sometimes comes at the cost of neglecting their partner’s energy needs. And overlooking their “I” needs in favor of pleasing their partner’s needs can lead to intra-mutual “I” needs conflict. This conflict happens when he or she desires to please their partner’s needs as well as their own. Howbeit, they can only please one or the other, as both needs conflict.

This is where the term, “Damned if I do” and “Damned if I don’t” comes into play. Because in this situation, to please their partner is to deny his or her own energy needs. And to please his or herself is to deny their partner’s energy needs as well as their own. And I say as well as their own because part of their "I" need is to please their partner. So that's a double whammy. This internal bout with their own “I” needs can be emotionally draining and can lead to indecisiveness and confusion. And such a bout can lead to depression, stress, apathy, and even thoughts of suicide.

In committed relationships, people don’t just neglect their partner’s needs simply because they can. No, quite the contrary. When they do, it’s because their energy needs requirements contradicts their partner's needs. And because they contradict, they sometimes don’t have the emotional, soulful, and spiritual wherewithal to give their partner all that he or she needs. But it doesn’t mean they don’t love or aren’t in love with their partner. Nor does it mean their partner doesn’t love or aren’t in love with him or her. But what it could mean, if love continues to get blamed for the damage this emotional disability is causing, is that the relationship falters and they eventually go their separate ways.

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