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What if I told you that the success of committed relationships like marriage is more science than art? Would you believe me? That's what Human Nature Dynamics suggests. Human Nature Dynamics are innate and organic inclinations one has that have great bearing on their personal character by influencing their thoughts, actions, and behaviors. In laymen terms, it means as individuals, we have a natural predisposition that isn't formed by the cultural and social landscapes we're exposed to in our upbringing. Yet this natural predisposition is contrarily susceptible to the positive and negative influences of such cultural and social landscapes. In other words, they are the dynamic and organic parts of our total being, which consist of the physical and the soul that forms the foundation for our character and behavior and that wasn't learned or taught to us. And these inclinations influences how we metabolize or reject external influences such as cultural and societal norms, environment, and our upbringing. In fact, it's these very inclinations that heavily influence what parts of our cultural and social backgrounds become a part of our character and behavior.
My mother-in-law tells the story about my wife, how when she was a little girl, she walked around the house with her purse neatly draped across her shoulder. And she'd carefully fold papers and neatly tuck them away inside like they were bills or other important papers. And how she portrayed herself as one who neatly managed paperwork and carried herself in a very business-like manner. In fact, her father nicked named her grown-folk. And she's still that same way today. In fact, this is one of the very first things that caught my attention about her. Even my mother-in-law admits she didn't learn that by watching someone in their family and that they certainly never taught her to behave this way. This is just part of her human nature dynamics. She's naturally built this way. And even though she experienced negativity in her upbringing and environment, none of it redirected or weakened this trait. And as she grew older, she gravitated toward people who seemed to support and or reward this dynamic trait. Today, several of her family members come to her on matters relating to finances, legal matters, and for guidance on things such as how to write professional business correspondence letters or how to appropriately and legally address complaints to their job's Human Resources department.
You might be thinking those are great traits for her to have and how can traits like that ever be a detraction to a committed relationship? Well, they can. Thankfully, they weren't for us. But to answer that question, let's use a hypothetical situation. Let's say that there's a woman named Betsy who has the same human nature dynamic trait that my wife has. And let's say that the reason Betsy's family was poor and experienced so much disfunction early on is because her father got taken advantaged of by the bank he was dealing with. Let's hypothesize that he couldn't prove he'd paid the bank the 5000 dollars in back pay he owed them to keep their home. He was terrible at keeping up with his paper receipts and lost the one proving he paid. Thus, he couldn't prove he didn't owe them. After taking him to court, he lost his case and unfortunately, their home. And after witnessing the pain and hard times this experience brought to her family, she became more strident about maintaining paperwork and receipts. Then later in life, she gets married to a man who's terrible about this sort of thing, just like her father. And she rides him the way a cowboy would a young stallion who refuses to be broken about getting and accounting for every receipt for any and every purchase, no matter how small. Because in her mind, you never know when you're going to need it.
In this scenario, her natural human nature dynamics trait for being business minded never waned. However, it went into overdrive because of the negative experience she witnessed through her father's run in with his bank. And she decided to do everything in her power to make sure this never happened to her or any one in her family. This is how environment, cultural and social norms, and upbringing can influence what's already so natural inside us. And in this scenario, Betsy's human nature dynamics trait provided the natural and renewable energy necessary to ride her husband about things he found trivial and unnecessary. And her continual hounding could be a source of tension in the home. It would all depend on her spouse's tolerance whether it becomes too unbearable. And if her husband did eventually reached his tolerance and started to feel he was losing himself in the process, his cries and pleas for her to cease and desist would be like asking a freight train traveling at 400 miles per hour to come to a screeching halt within seconds of learning there's a vehicle stuck on its tracks. Why? Because, most likely, Betsy's behavior has become a part of her subliminal soul. This is the part of us that doesn't require conscious thought for us to be, move, or do. But that's enough for now. This sort of thing will be covered more in future blogs.
Human nature dynamics inclinations doesn't mean no one else in the world has our same inclinations. But it does mean that when one has such inclinations, they didn't originate from outside stimuli such as culture, environment, and upbringing. It is my belief that these inclinations or traits originates from both our physical and soul genetics. And these inclinations provide the natural and renewable energies one naturally and automatically incorporates to be, move, and do. In other words, they're our natural motivation factor. And when the relationship neglects, deprives, or prevents the function of such inclinations, it deprives us of the renewable energies we need to thrive in the relationship. Conversely, when these inclinations are overbearing, intrusive, and too demanding, like in Betsy's case, they can cause our partner's renewable energies to be infringed upon or prevent their own human nature dynamics inclinations from functioning properly or thriving. And over time, this leads to the corrosive wear and tear that undermines the well-intentioned commitment couples honestly and earnestly make to one another and causes it to malfunction.
In this blog, I take an unorthodox approach to proving why what most hold as root causes in committed relationship failure are merely symptoms of Human Nature Dynamics. And that it is this misdiagnosis that prevents Solely Committed Relationships from getting the truth they need to heal and possibly last forever. I do this by breaking down Human Nature tendencies or dynamics using a logical, methodical, and a quasi-scientific approach that is supported by biblically infused teachings and concepts. Yes, along with creative analogous and metaphorical scenarios, I often use biblical concepts and teachings in my explanations to expose these truths. However, I do so in a somewhat philosophical manner and not an evangelical one. So, yeah...no proselytizing or pontification here. Just good ole down and dirty why Committed Relationships fail talk. That's it.
And by this blog's definition, Committed Relationships are relationships where a man and woman decides to be exclusive with each other. This means no open marriages, side-chics, side-dudes, or anything of that nature. Committed Relationships are the primary focus of this blog. Dating is not, although some blogs will touch on things to look out for when choosing a mate.
But why Committed Relationships? For one, I think they're the foundational underpinnings of a healthy society and the family unit. The healthier they are, the healthier our families will be. And the healthier our families are the healthier our society can and will be. Second, I fully believe that no one solely commits all of themselves to this relationship only to learn at some future point in time that it was all for naught. And because the very nature of these relationships require that its occupants put all their eggs in its basket, I find it so discouraging and disheartening when all their eggs of sacrifice in the form of hope, needs, wants, time, and effort are crushed under the weight of pain, disappointment, and regret that might've been avoided had 20/20 vision been employed at the beginning rather than in hindsight. This blog will provide that 20/20.
And it'll do so by ultimately exposing one of the greatest relationship myths ever held as truth by people who commit. And that is that the person they've committed to will not only be willing to meet all their needs and wants in the relationship but that they'll also be able to. Whether people emphatically state this at any time during the relationship is irrelevant. Why? Because most people in committed relationships naturally assume this is true because of things like love and the emotional fervor and commitment they've demonstrated towards each other up until that time. During the course of this blog, I'll disclose why people in committed relationships hold this view and why it's often untrue.
Last, I write on committed relationships because I've been in one for nearly three decades. And having counseled many in serious relationships, or who've been hurt by them, I feel my experience has given me huge insights into truths about why and how they're prone to fail. My overall intent is to point out easy truths about human nature dynamics and show how endemic these dynamics are to the renewable energy process people in committed relationships so desperately depend upon to do the relationship's work. My goal is not to justify our human nature inclinations but to expose them and provide the prolific knowledge and understanding necessary to properly managed them. And by exposing these inclinations or what I call dynamics, my hope is that many who're in committed relationships will become aware of the true cause of their relationship's failure and be empowered to correct these failures when possible.
As I post weekly, I'll be tackling foundational subjects one by one until I've exposed key Human Nature Dynamics that play a fundamental role in the root causes behind why committed relationships fail. From there, I'll continually build upon that foundation with more lessons and practical situations that relate to these root causes. This will give deeper insight into these root causes and expose the symptoms they produce, making it easier to recognize and treat them. My number one goal with this blog is to help people mend their committed relationships and or avoid potential failure through preventive practices. And when mending or preventive practices aren't possible, the goal is to help them recognize this truth and accept the fact that it may not be anyone's fault.
I'm a retired Army Veteran, devoted husband of nearly 30 years, father, and Christian. Before I got married at the tender age of 23, I thought there were three things that made a marriage successful. I thought if a person was faithful, communicated, and was loving that he or she couldn't help but knock the ball of marital bliss out of the park. Boy...was I Ka-wrong!
In just a short time of being married, I learned that my three step plan to marital bliss was a fantasy at best. There were so many things I was too young and inexperience to even know about. Curious by nature, I lent myself to the study of relationships to learn what makes them work or fail. Over the past 30 years, I've counseled many and interviewed and talked with countless in committed relationships. But what really shattered the glass ceiling of my understanding about their failure or success is God's word.
It was in the word of God that I began to see and fully understand what the true culprit was in relationship failure. And I learned that this culprit is Human Nature Dynamics.
What are Human Nature Dynamics?
Before you go, here's a few fun facts about me...
Besides writing and blogging about relationships, I enjoy studying/reading my favorite book...the bible and other relative books, playing instruments like guitar, bass, and piano, and writing songs and composing my own music. I also enjoy learning 3D animation, music production, and computer programming.
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Just a few Pics of my love interests
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